The Beautiful Girl - pt #1

Journal Entry - Toronto.
Wednesday, March 26th, 1980

Mary-Francis has a crappy job. She’s been given responsibility to handle the entire Referendum coverage (other than news). Why her ? She’s the only producer we have who's from Montreal - that's why. The fact that she usually books the kicker items on the show seems to be irrelevant.

Last week she did a nice story on the History of the Toothpick; next week – the Future of the Nation.

The AIH gang have pulled out - “we don’t do road shows” they said. This – after endless meetings to discuss our joint coverage. Sunday Morning was never in from the start – they stay to themselves (I’ve been here almost nine months and other than my racquet-ball playing buddy Stuart I know none of them). So that leaves Don Harron’s Morningside to carry the Current Affairs banner into Quebec.

Three of us are heading up next week – Mary Francis, me, and Rob Prouse, and we have absolutely no idea what we’re going to do. The vote is just over a month away and not only do we have NO shows booked, we have NO guests booked.

Not one.

Mary-Francis is under huge pressure and cries constantly. She never wanted this gig in the first place.

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Journal Entry - Winnipeg
November 4th, 2007

Got into a kind of snippy exchange with one of the big-time bloggers this weekend who took a shot at Winnipeg. It was just a throw-a-way gag at the end of a post on WGA issues but it reinforced that whatever I write here had better be focused – or else some pathetic guy all pumped up on cheap red wine with nothing better to do on a Saturday night but wander the net – will pick a fight.

I want this blog to be both useful and entertaining. If you see it veering towards narcissistic wanking (again). Please let me know and I’ll stop.

At my age it’s about time I gave that up anyway.

WGA strike

A quick comment on the impending WGA strike.

I understand there are important business issues at stake. And just as in any labour-management dispute over the tantalizingly lucrative-but-still-out-of-focus future - there will be many hours of tough bargaining.

But after being on both sides of the executive / freelancer divide I believe there's a toxic undercurrent of DISRESPECT for what writers and creators actually do. This is fueled by a secret belief amongst many execs that THEY COULD DO BETTER.

The curse of “creativity” is in its abstractness. Everybody THINKS they’re creative. I mean does anyone really wake up in the morning and say... “you know what ? I’m a slug. Not a bright idea in the old brain.”

Everybody has ideas. It’s the price of admission. You can’t play hockey without skates. You can’t stay in the biz without ideas.

It’s the "framing" and the development of those ideas that separates players from poseurs - workers from wannabees.

I don't have the skill set, the gene pool or the personality to be a killer producer. Got it. Believe it. Happy with it. And I respect those who do, because their life really IS "nasty, brutal, and short".

But it's my sense that many execs aren’t quite as candid about their own shortcomings.

True story-:

I once received THIRTY TWO pages of notes written in THREE DIFFERENT COLOUR OF MARKER PEN for a half hour script I wrote for ...for....for (blog don’t tell, Don...blog don’t tell) -- let me just say that it was for a network in a big snowy country.

Thirty-two pages. Three colours. Structure. Style. Grammar.

Now YOU tell me that the exec didn’t think he could write ... spell .. and create better than me.

Maybe he could. But I’m still working. He’s toast.

Why ? Because he spent too much time doing MY job at the expense of his own.

So good luck to the WGA and if you’re interested in a play-by-play from the frontlines check out “By Ken Levine”. He used to be a writer for MASH and knows ridiculous when he sees it.

Meetings Missed - Lessons Learned

Journal Entry. Toronto
Thursday, March 13th, 1980.

Hung over. One of those "I-will-NEVER-drink-again" kind of days.

Went to see Rough Trade last night who were playing on Spadina then ended up in a “booze can”. These pathetic and dirty little places are Toronto’s equivalent to the vibrant late night streets of Montreal.

I flew up last week for a major pre-Referendum broadcast meeting but nobody from the local Montreal plant showed.

Guess they missed the memo.

In fact, there was only ONE French speaking producer at the meeting, Hubie Gendron – who’s the Sunday Morning liaison guy. There is absolutely no inter-action or sharing of story ideas between CBC's Two Solitudes on this enormous story. In fact, Hubie told me our biggest competitors are NOT the local private sector media but the Rad Can gang who will probably lock-up the heavy hitters and keep them off our show.

I wanted to book the Quebec singer, PAUL PICHE but Hubie said he’d check with his “allies” on the French side to see if they've got him lined up already. If they do ... we'll have to keep looking.

This is going to be interesting.

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Journal Entry. Winnipeg.
Thursday, November 1, 2007.

I must keep reminding myself WHY I began this blog in the first place. And stick with that motivation.

In my small experience it seems to me that blogs – like stories – must maintain discipline and most of all FOCUS so they don’t simply become a random gush of words and UTube links.

Thanks to Will Dixon (one of the ‘real’ bloggers) for leading me through this curiously seductive world of soap-boxing. The lesson this week ? That there’s an important distinction between “blogging” and “telling”.

As Will wisely noted “when in doubt blog, don’t tell”. And to those who wrote with veiled threats – thank you for reading.

This was all sparked by a listing of future posts which I may or may not have written. I was interested to see who my readers were and judging from the feedback the CBC.ca hard drive is a rocking kind of place.

And a BIG THANK YOU to my buddies in the CBC Sports truck. As long as you agree to forget how bad a director I was, I won’t tell ....er, blog - too many R and G stories. Deal ?

So, fret not – little public sector workers. I’m not really going to write all that stuff.

Honest.

Bringing Lenny Home

Journal Entry. Toronto
Monday, February 25th, 1980

Came in to work this morning to find we have a new Executive Producer - Gary Michael Dault.

Richard has gone to Bay Street to be part of a think-tank for a new TV show. No notice. No goodbyes. No party. Just gone. Here Friday - there Monday.

Sometimes this is a weird place.

The good news ? Dault's promotion has caused a shuffle in the producer hierarchy. Rob Prouse has taken over the Arts and Culture beat. My upstairs neighbour, Mary Francis has been given Quebec (plus all the Referendum planning), and I've been promoted to Senior Producer responsible for the entire "current affairs" corner of the show. This means I get to call the shots for the first hour of Canada's most listened to radio show.

And now that I have all this journalistic power - with the country falling apart ... the Liberals in turmoil ... and a US election on the horizon ... what will my first BIG debate be about ?

Dogs or Cats. Which is smarter ? Let the debate begin. Harron will love it.

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Journal Entry. Winnipeg.
October 28th, 2007.

A cold autumn night in Winnipeg. Turned both the furnace AND the baseboard heaters on today. I guess I'm looking at another three thousand dollar Hydro bill. But I like this town. I've lived in half a dozen Canadian cities and can honestly say that if you get off your ass and ENGAGE you'll find Winnipeg offers wonderful opportunities for writers and film-makers.

But it IS a hard place to live. Nothing comes easy. Tommy Douglas grew up in the North End and one of his saying was that "opportunity is often dressed in coveralls". To me, that pretty well sums up the place.

Winnipeg -- Canada's bravest city.

Tonight I'm writing a documentary pitch about a lost son - Lenny Breau.

And if you're asking WHO the hell is Lenny Breau ? You've just made my point. Lenny Breau was one of the greatest guitar players ever.

Ever.

He was our Clapton, our Hendrix. But no Hall of Fame for Lenny. Instead he lies buried in a pauper's grave on hooker row in L.A. -- dead these past 23 years.

Murdered. Buried. Forgotten. Shame on us.

There have been a couple of bios done on Lenny. TVO and Bravo stepped up to the plate. But those films were limited in scope and ended with his death. Which is where my story begins.

Let's get one thing clear right off the start Lenny didn't DROWN -- he was murdered.

How do I know ? I've seen the autopsy reports. People who drown aren't left with bruises on their trachea.

I once pitched the Lenny Breau story to Life and Times. Who's Lenny Breau they asked ?

In retrospect, they were probably right. It would have simply been another "boring" Canadian story and I doubt it would have brought in the numbers the Hockey series did. (Bad Don. Bad)

My angle on Lenny ? Let's bring him home.

Let's get him the fuck out of that pauper's grave and BRING HIM HOME to Winnipeg.

I am determined to do a little film about a grassroots movement of local guitar players who are lobbying and agitating and shit disturbing to get Lenny OUT of that distant Yankee grave and brought home to be given the honour and respect he is due.

Ask any - ANY - "A" list Canadian musician from Adams to Cohen to Bachman to Joni Mitchell to Oscar Peterson to Yo Yo Mah and they will tell you without pause, that Lenny Breau was God - not Clapton.

But we've forgotten him. Well, I'm going to try my best to change that.

Beginning with a little exercise I call --; "DOCUMENTARY MAKING FOR DUMMIES".

I'm going to post on this blog the entire process of pitching, funding, making, and (with luck) selling my Lenny Breau documentary.

I call the film - BRINGING LENNY HOME.

Google Me

Journal Entry. Toronto
Friday, February 15th - 1980.

A funny thing happened on our way to the Referendum - after a day long meeting between ALL the national radio staff (except Sunday Morning) it finally occured to us that...

...NO ONE SPEAKS FRENCH.

Ten producers met in Don Harron's office ... a mix of Morningside, AIH, and Radio Syndication staff to start planning -: live remotes, from-the-streets tape, one-on-one interviews, reaction from analysts (we even talked about finding an Expos baseball angle). A roomful of smart people with smart ideas who ALL overlooked one crucial thing. Not one of us is bilingual.

Gary Michael Dault has been chosen to run the coverage. Which is a bit weird as he's the Toronto Arts-and-Culture producer. But management didn't ask my opinion. No matter - I get to go to Montreal for a month as part of the coverage team.

An Alberta boy in a city of beautiful women. On the CBC's tab. Can't wait.

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Journal Entry. Winnipeg
Friday. October 26th, 2007.

It's been a week since I've written anything. A busy, grinding, try-to-stay-alive kind of week. I have to admit to having blog "performance" issues. I can't seem to find the energy to...er, get it up ... on line, that is. Must be anxiety. Yea..that's it. Anxiety. Thank God for "stress", eh ?

It's the Get-Out-Of-Jail-Free card for yuppies who make bad choices.

However a few REAL blog issues have given me pause.

When I was at the Geminis a lawyer sought me out who had been forwarded my posts. She asked me to appear as an Expert Witness in a law suit she's involved in. I know everyone involved and from what I've heard this lawyer's client has been royally screwed. But the defendant will be a powerful prodco who I do business with. Somehow they're not going to appreciate taking a deposition from yours truly.

Clearly this is a LOSE / LOSE scenario for me. And the per diem is probably rubbish anyway.

Also an ex-lover has been sending me HotMail flames and posting (anonymous) sarcastic comments on this blog.

Note to file -: NEVER believe lovers who say -: "Trust me. Trust me, because I love you" in the first week of a relationship.

Note to ex's file-: NEVER send erotic emails to lovers you lie to. Especially writers. They might save them. And post them.

But most curious of all about a dozen people from the CBC have called. Apparently excerpts from The Book of Don were read at a management meeting in the Broadcast Centre. They wondered-: (1) who the hell is this guy anyway ? (2) did he REALLY keep a journal ? (3) what else is he going to write.

So in the spirit of making next week's managment meeting move more quickly - let me answer these.

1. Google me. Don Young TLA Agency.

Please note - I am NOT the DY who was the recently impeached Governor of Alaska. Nor the DY who runs the pro-hunting lobby "Ducks Unlimited. I'm not even the DY who hit .239 for the Cubbies back in'69.

2. Yes, I did .. and still do ... keep a journal. In fact, I've posted some images from it as proof in one of my Facebook picture files. "Friend" me and you can read it. Although - you can't do this anonymously. This is a no-stalking kind of offer.

As Dan Rather used to say -- 'COURAGE'.

3. What else am I going to write ?? Well ... that would be telling, wouldn't it ?

Why am I doing all of this ?

Money - no. Ego - yes. A sense of contributing to our broadcast history - I hope so.

I think we're the best TV-makers on the planet and we should celebrate ourselves. Each and every flawed one of us.

(And if you're one of those who still think the Brits do the best TV - you should see some of the DRECK which they don't sell over here.)

Finally - to those of you who've asked me if this is a "Revenge Blog" ??

Not a chance. After all ... I'm still working. And they are still running things.

But there is a book in the works.

Johnny Yes-No

Journal Entry. Toronto.
Sunday night, January 27th, 1980.

Sitting here at 63 Kendal with a beer and another great 'Don-dinner' - a pre cooked Loblaw's ham smothered in Cheese-Whiz with a side order of baked beans. Thank God, I come from proletarian roots.

I'm going to have to learn how to cook one day although I can never really figure out why. I like what I eat.

I've been "seeing" the beautiful and talented Marika who's a producer on Quirks and Quarks. She took me to Jay Ingram's party on Saturday night where I got into a long discussion with a guy called Stuart McLean who works on Sunday Morning.

He's a real "Torontonian" full of patronizing bullshit. He said I had an Alberta accent (WTF ?) but still invited me to play raquet-ball at his "club". What he doesn't know is that I am a raquet ball God.

(Editor's note : I kicked the shit out of Stuart a few days later and he never spoke to me again.)

Richard asked me to sit in on a Senior Producer's meeting with As It Happens. Management is thinking of doing some sort of joint AIH-Morningside national radio special for the Quebec Referendum. The Sunday Morning crowd have opted out. They're a strange bunch. Very isolated from the rest of us. They come and go in the middle of the night.

At the meeting we talked about who to hire as our roving reporter to get tape from-the-streets. The AIH gang had lots of names - Nick Auf Der Maur, Josh Freed, Roch Carrier. I thought I'd lighten things up by suggesting a friend of Margaret Laurence's, the aboriginal actor Johnny YesNo.

That's his real name. Johnny YesNo.

Bad idea - not a smile in the whole room.

Dault told me later that I'd embarassed the show so I scurried into Harron's office and hid. Don laughed and said that his wife could get me a job on Cape Breton.

Gotta watch that Alberta mouth of mine.

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Journal Entry. Winnipeg.
Sunday night, October 21st, 2007.

George Romero was right - we are the Living Dead.

This period - right now - until the networks start spending their next round of CTF money is when producers turn into zombies. Not quite dead but not really alive either.

This is the time when cheques bounce and businesses go into receivership. Friendships explode in a spew of debt and litigation and venom. Marriages come apart. Familes fail. Children cry.

And best of all...bloody Christmas is on the horizon. Halleluja.

For the next few months a frenzied horde of producers will be lurching from MIP to Real Screen to the Science and History Congresses with out-stretched hands (Hi ! How are you. Thanks for your time) ... glazed eyes (no..no..I'm fine. I can sleep on the plane) ... all desperately seeking that life sustaining feast of blood otherwise known as international money.

For the past nine months they've worked hard and smart. They've created and pitched and piloted. But then the network guy has called with that KILLER message - "...we like it. But there's no money 'till the spring".

Been there. Heard that.

So what to DO ? Drop the show and start developing something else ? Hmmm - no.

Put MORE of your own money into research hoping that three months from now you'll get a greelight ? Maybe. But not little guys like me. I have bills to pay - now.

Look for a co-producer ? Probably not. In my experience it takes too long and you're forced to give up way too much for what you get in return.

So, you gamble another 5k. Go to France - to Washington - to London and hope a foreign net will pre-buy.

And there IS money out there - sometimes the zombies catch someone. A couple of years ago I did a 2 x one hour doc for Global about the Bronfmans. ARTE in France picked up Franco-German rights paying 80,000 Euros for the territory. We were still under-financed but at least when Christmas rolled around we ate turkey flesh - not human.

I suspect ole' George is eating pretty well these days too.

'08 is the 40th anniversary of Night of the Living Dead which cost 114,000 dollars to produce. Estimates are that it's made about 50 million worldwide with a major re-release coming soon.

..and that my friends - is why we do, what we do.

Thank you Richard Nixon

Journal Entry - Winnipeg.
October, 17th - 2007.


"A Man is not finished when he is defeated; he's finished when he quits."

- Richard M. Nixon


Thank God for Richard Nixon.

As I steel myself to face the humiliation at having lost not once...not twice...but THREE times at Monday night’s Gemini Awards “Industry Gala” (cash bar), I sustain myself in these dark hours by remembering the words of the Great Dick who taught us all how to maintain one’s dignity while poised on the suicide’s ledge -:

“fuck ‘em, Bob” said America’s First Citizen – “I’ve never had sympathy for all that ‘it’s-how-you-play-the-game’ crap. Next time – we’ll cheat.”

Ah yes. To cheat or not to cheat ? Which, if you think about it - is a kind of a redundant question for a TV mercenary like me, but let's not go there. Not tonight.

My friend LAINE DREWERY scooped up the Best Documentary Director’s award.

My U2 film “Music Rising” was defeated in the editing category by those pinkos at the CBC.

But my deepest wound was losing the Best Documentary Writer award to a couple of 25 year-old “dudes” for their film on Heavy Metal. Adding salt to the bloody maw my date whispered in my ear "they're REALLY good looking, aren't they dad ?"

(Damn them and their hearing-impaired, writerly skills.)

However I got to sooth the humiliation by chowing down on the legendary Gemini (Industry) “dinner”, which was everything one could have hoped for after being pummeled in the ring of mano-a-mano Gemini combat.

The Master Chefs at the CNE had concocted a carnival of culinary carpaccios. The piece de resistance being a local Toronto delicacy known as -- “fish” -- festooned with spears of asparagus and drizzled with white “sauce” au jus.

Flagons of Niagara Falls blended red were both spilled and swilled before the Croatian wait-staff presented us with what they knowingly called “desert” – a chunky chocolate chip tartalet.

Best of all however, were the gift bags. After all what would a party be without gift bags ? Well ... I will tell you, because there were none. And it was chintzy.

Going against that tiresome convention of actually giving the nominees something to remember, the Gemini (Industry) organizers daringly opted for an unplugged approach challenging nominees to fork out TEN DOLLARS for a 50-50 ticket on a quaint custom known as the Gemini (Industry) gift-bag “raffle”.

And yes, those lucky winner did indeed get their money's worth.

Inside the "gift" bags lay a treasure trove of Wal-Mart wonders, including-: a “pimped-out” Ipod nano, a 50 dollar discount from a local furniture store (in case of a sudden urge to pick up an armoire on the way home), a tube of Pringles, a set of flip-flops, and a 10% discount off next year’s Academy Membership.

But if I sound bitter at losing this contest too, let me assure you that is not the case.

Once again I had my exceptional daughter on my arm ... and once again I found myself the envy of every man in the building.

I'm Just Glad To Be Nominated...Really. Really.

Journal Entry. Saturday night
October, 13th - 2007

Just a quick post - I have an 06:30 flight to catch for Toronto as I'm off to the Geminis. Fucking Aeroplan, eh ? 06:30 on a SUNDAY morning.

Guess I'll miss church.

I once had EIGHT HUNDRED THOUSAND (correct) miles on Aeroplan back in the day (the day when someone else was paying for my flights.) I burned them off taking my kids J-class to Europe.

When Aleana turned 14 we went for a dad and daughter bonding session to London and Paris. Took in the Phantom, Les Mis, Rent. We drank wine together in Paris ... wandered flea markets in London ... watched tons of soccer on the telly ... and generally goofed-off for ten wonderful springtime days. Sometimes this business really DOES have an upside.

Tomorrow I'm meeting her in Toronto. She's coming down from Montreal to be my date at the awards - again.

So what are the odds of me winning ? Am I secretly rehearsing a witty-but-humble acceptance speech (yes) ... or is the cess pool of NIXONIAN bitterness starting to build up like the poison in a puff-adder's venom sack ? No - but nice analogy.

I want to be honest in this blog. After all, TRUTH is the best defence from a libel suit. So, here are the odds on my personal line.

I'm nominated in two categories. Best Director in a Documentary Series. Best Writer in a Documentary Series.

The envelope please.

The nominees for "Best Director" (yadda yadda) ...are -:

Don Young
Devil's Brigade
Episode 4


Peter Ingles
Hockey: A People's History
The People's Game


Michael Claydon
Hockey: A People's History
Reclaiming the Game


Laine Drewery
Hockey: A People's History
A Simple Game


Ian Toews
Landscape as Muse Season Two
The Forest with Peter von Tiesenhausen


AND THE WINNER IS ------ me.

Yep, not to sound immodest (who me ?) but I think I've got a real shot at this one. My show was good. I had a fantastic editor (Bob Lower)...some perceptive editorial advice from my Exec Producer (Jamie Brown)...and a very strong working relationship with the network Executive (Michael Kot)...and at the end of the day - the show worked. It just did.

If it's not me, then it should be Laine Drewery.

He's a talented director who SHOULD have won a couple of years ago for a fantastic piece he did on D-Day. I was the chairman of the jury for his category back then and we voted overwhelmingly for Laine. Why he didn't win - is one of life's great mysteries. Hanging chads, perhaps ?

So, the smart money's on me. But if you want to hedge your bets - go for me OR Laine.

My second nomination is in the Best Writer category. To be honest - this is the one I REALLY want to win. I think writing for non-fiction television is the hardest form of writing. It has to be -: Accurate. Poetic. Efficient. And clear.

The best television writer I ever worked with was Jane Chalmers - who's now the VP of CBC Radio. Jane was a gifted reporter who once wrote the following lead for a story about a confrontation on a picket line one frosty Manitoba morning -:

s/up - picket line yelling...."No scabs. No scabs. No scabs."

v/o - "Hot words on a cold morning."

Those six words cut to the heart of the story. They got the piece moving with drama and flair. Jane had the chops. Now however, she's in management - so God only knows what crap she writes these days.

But if you're handicapping the much coveted Best Writer field, here they are -:


Don Young
Devil's Brigade
Episode 4


Simcha Jacobovici, Graeme Ball
The Lost Tomb of Jesus


Scot McFadyen, Sam Dunn
Metal: A Headbanger's Journey


Michka Saäl
Prisoners of Beckett


Michael Allcock
Vimy Ridge: Heaven To Hell



Me. Jesus. Heavy Metal Rockers. Beckett. And a platoon of Vimy ghosts.

...and the winner is -- JESUS.

Yep - I think the J-man will scoop me.

Maybe I can catch an afternoon church service in Toronto ??

Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda --- Didn't.

Journal Entry - Toronto.
Sunday night. January 13th /1980.

A busy week ahead. The show is under-budget and we've been asked to come up with scenarios to spend money before the end of the fiscal year - March 31st. There's talk of taking Harron on location. Road shows are expensive so by hitting the road we can UP our regional programming hours plus burn off cash. No talk of bonuses however. Not a chance. I tried to get a petty cash re-payment this week for some lunches I bought for guests and WHAT A HASSLE. It was only about 30 bucks but I had to get the receipt signed by THREE different people then I was forced to stand outside the petty cash office for about half an hour while the little Pakistani guy called everyone to make sure their signatures were legit. Must be my face.

Our road shows will be -: Moncton, Winnipeg and Calgary. Looks like I'll get to produce the Calgary show. I wonder if I can figure out a way to get mum on it ?

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Journal Entry - Winnipeg.
Friday morning. October 12th / 2007.

I love my life. Because I get to watch a lot of TV and ask truly important questions, such as --:

WHERE THE HELL IS PHIL ??

Tuned in Wednesday night to the CBC looking for my favourite Amazing Race host to check out his new show - NO OPPORTUNITY WASTED - only to find Phil was ... Missing in Action.

Perhaps he took a wrong turn at that last Challenge Detour or maybe he's shacked up with the dwarf chick somewhere. But wherever Phil is - he wasn't on my TV.

Remember all those CBC promos ?? All summer Phil was on the tube YELLING at us to -- "Come on Canada...No more coulda...woulda...shoulda" ??

After months of hyping the crap out of "PHIL KEOGHAN's -- NO OPPORTUNITY WASTED" the series kicked off this week with NO PHIL.

The show was hosted by a perfectly competent nobody - Bruce Kirkby. A goretex-wearing, sea kaying, up-at-6am-for-a-run, kind of guy.

Slick. Very slick. The old bait-and-switch
routine, eh ? Damn those Yankees.

Bruce was pretty good. And somebody should hire him to do a real show. Not this one. "No Opportunity Wasted" - is exactly what it sets out NOT to be ... an opportunity wasted.

Don't get me wrong the show is Hollywood.

Jump-cut editing. Survivor-style fast-motion shots. In-situ action clips. And plenty of familiar tension-track music.

It had a producer-created feeding frenzy of sharks; a producer-created I-miss-my-dead-dad crying scene; a producer-created moment of "shock" (you're coming with us RIGHT NOW); and a producer-created moment of "terror" (Oh God, I can't do this...I CAN'T).

He did it anyway. The producer made him.

Not to sound like a know-it-all. But in this case I do.

Here's why 'No Opportunity Wasted' is going to fail.

The show is only half an hour long.

Which actually means about 22 minutes of air time. The commercial clusters are used as structural turning points so formula shows like this are really only three or four mini story blocks.

And the crucial block is the final one -- the climax. The payoff. The resolution. It's the emotional jolt the audience feels HERE that brings them back next week.

Last night's CLIMAX was about as exciting as the time I ... I ... I ... (insert tasteless Family Guy gag here).

The show is conceptually flawed. 22 minutes simply is not enough TIME to develop the characters, define the challenge, witness the drama, and find a satisfying resolution. That's a lot of stuff. And the speed with which these story beats MUST unfold simply to make the show finish on TIME, reduces any chance of the audience really caring whether the guy gets eaten by the shark or not.

All the other "Can-They-Do-It ?" reality shows run for an hour.

"No Opportunity Wasted" runs 22 minutes. Too much - too fast - too bad.

...and next week's promo was hardly a grabber -- watch people overcome their fear of public speaking by being forced to sing in front of strangers.

oookkkkaaaay.

"No Opportunity Wasted" is one of those ideas that probably sounded pretty good at the pitch session but should have been given the Texas goodnight kiss.

The lesson here ? This is why God made PILOTS. To see if the concept works.

By attaching a mini-celebs name like Phil's to the pitch I bet the producer's got away without piloting it.

And that my friends ... was not just an Opportunity Wasted -- but our money too.

Dateline - 1980

Journal Entry, Tuesday, January 1st, 1980.
Bush Pilot Lounge, Edmonton airport.

"Dateline 1980"

For me the '70s - the decade of my MADolescence ended appropriately.

Sleeping alone in Bob Spence's bathtub.

Spence is the host of CBC Edmonton's morning radio show and he had THE media New Year's party. I came up from Calgary for the bash. Lots of familiar faces. Arthur Kent was there...Moranis too.

He's working on a show called SCTV which is being shot at a local Edmonton TV station. Rick, Dave Macaree, Tom Rowe, Tom Crighton, Gene Levy, Vicki Gabereau...and this girl - Catherine O'Hara were all crashing around looking for something - or someone - to do. Hooked up with Catherine and lost my shirt...literally - I woke up this morning with NO shirt.

Bob Spence is one of those larger than life kind of guys. He's about 6 foot 5 and (quote) "built to scale". Lots of pot and coke around. Edmonton IS a rye-and-coke town but last night's coke came in a baggie not a bottle.

Hard to believe Spence is the voice of the CBC here. Welcome to the 80s.

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Journal Entry, Wednesday, October 9th, 2007.
Winnipeg, Manitoba.

“CHANNEL NINE COURT – WE HAVE A PROBLEM”

So, that’s what 20 million bucks looks like, eh ?

The much gossiped-about “Mars Rising” Discovery/Gala Films project blasted off recently as a TV movie and a “documentary” series which opened with a nonsensical clip from JAMES CAMERON.

Thirty seconds into HOUR ONE I knew it was Mission Abort.

Last time I saw Cameron he had just discovered the bones of Jesus and Mary...or was it the Bismark...or was it that huge fucking diamond in Titanic’s safe ?

Why does anyone care what this guy thinks about ANYTHING ??

And now he's a MARS expert too. WTF ? He looked old and pinched-faced and nervous. He spoke in tentative Bush-like clichés (“I’m sure there will be casualties”) and the lighting on his interview was so bad it was hard to tell if his lips were moving .

There were no less than FOUR clips from him. Four. What were they thinking ?

Christians – THIS is the smell of desperation.

Or at the very least a ridiculous attempt to make the Mission to Mars seem cool to 15 year old gamer boyz.

And it got worse.

The narration track was done by a half-asleep, unenthused, passionless, I’ll-just-phone-it-in Captain Kirk. A command decision that ranked right up there with the time I went to see my ex-girlfriend’s mother to ask her to help me get my lover back as -- WORST IDEA EVER.

Discovery should be applauded for having the GUTS to roll the dice on “Mars Rising” - after all, the production financing partners changed more times than the cast of Law and Order (and Discovery Canada’s money was not just Benefits Package dollars).

But sadly, I could only make it through HOUR ONE as yet another James Cameron clip promo-ing Hour Two was the show killer for me.

I knew what I was going to see - a cobbled together mishmash of free NASA graphics ... B-roll with crappy sound ... scenes from the movie ... more Cameron “insight” ... all built around a dog’s breakfast of interview clips.

And what a bizarre series of interviews they were.

Some were shot in chroma key. Some in black limbo. Some in offices. Some in labs. Some on location.

Have these people ever heard the phrase – “production values”. Was there NO pre-production style-guide written ? No series Bible published ?

Whoever decided to do the desert interview in a 300 mm telephoto compression shot should be made to write on the blackboard a hundred times –:

“I will check with the production manager before committing to a visual style which none of the other directors are using”.

And the script ? Perhaps Cameron wrote it ? After all he did get an editor’s Oscar AND a director’s Oscar AND a producer’s Oscar for Titanic.

Every second sentence was either “death”... “danger”... or “deadly”.

Not a cliché was spared, not a stake missed, not a faux dramatic arc overlooked. Even the throws to commercial reeked of “DON’T LEAVE US PLEASE” (eg) -:

“...has a new Space Age begun (between the Russians and the Americans) ????? This time...a race to Mars ?????"

Well... er ...no.

I may not be a rocket scientist (neither is JC, of course) but the last time I looked the Russians were broke.

Mike Jorgensen (a good guy with a good rep) got the writer/director credit. Word on the street is that Mike was brought from Edmonton to Montreal to save the series and took over show # 1 when the original director de-materialized.

Mike’s got enough of a rep that this won’t stick to him. But I’m pretty sure Mars Rising won’t be on his demo reel.

Arnie Gelbert who runs Gala Films EP-ed the series. Arnie is one of Canada’s GREAT producers (and a real mensch too). He must be shaking his head at the missed opportunity. Or maybe he’s just glad Mars didn’t bankrupt him.

Phyllis Platt fresh from losing out to Slawko at the CBC found a safe landing site on Mars. Her old Montreal connections must have paid off big time. She too got an Exec Producer’s credit although I have absolutely no idea why as she was at the CBC when Gala won the competition to produce the series.

...and at Discovery ?

Well, I think they’re just glad its over. Management must be relieved that both the movie and the “documentary” series are now making their digital way across the abyss of inter-stellar space without exploding on the launch pad vapourizing their careers.

Because even by James Cameron’s standards...20 million bucks is a lot of rocket fuel.

Christmas

Journal Entry - Sunday, December 23rd, 1979.

Home tomorrow. Hard to believe I've been here almost six months. Cowtown seems far from me now.

I love Toronto. Went to see the Leafs the other night and bought a ticket in the reds from a scalper (35 bucks). The scene outside Maple Leaf Gardens was like something from a 1940s CPR poster ... a huge snowstorm ... chestnuts being sold by old Italian guys from hot-coal carts .. street cars clattering and clanging along Carleton...crowds pushing...scalpers hustling ...

"who's buying...who's selling".

Thank God, I'm here.

A bit of a lost week behind me. No matter - the show is booked into January.

Friday night was our Morningside Xmas booze up. It was quite the night.

Max Ferguson was there. He does a great Trudeau. Late in the evening he and the comedy guy Moranis got into the scotch and did a Joe Clark / Trudeau "debate" over who had stolen Maggies panties. Very funny. Rick is also a terrific impersonator who can do an UNBELIEVABLE Gordon Lightfoot. "In the early morning rain..with my pecker in my hand"

Harron has an entourage of comedy writers he's nurturing. Rick, David Cole, Vicki Gabereau (the chick who ran for mayor as Rosie-the-Clown)...our PA Doug Jones... and Dave Thomas (his brother is Ian Thomas the singer).

Harron is a pretty funny guy too, but refused to do his Charlie Farqueson for us. He says its for paying customers only. And he doesn't drink - so we couldn't get him pissed.

I gave him a line which he says he'll use in one of his Charlie routines -- "...they say the houses in Calgary are so old (how old are they ??)...they're so old that some of them were built BEFORE cable TV."

He laughed. No one else did. Don Harron is a nice man.

---------------

Tuesday, October 9th, 2007

Got an email today from a friend in LA who pointed out this week's IDA announcement of TOP 25 BEST DOCS EVER.

The IDA is THE American doc organization with about 3,000 paid up members. Here's their list ranked 1 - 25-:

Hoop Dreams
Thin Blue Line
Bowling for Combine
Spellbound
Harlan County
An Inconvenient Truth
Crumb
Gimme Shelter
The Fog of War
Roger and Me
Supersize Me
Don’t Look back
Salesman
Kayaanisquatsi
Sherman’s March
Grey Gardens
Capturing the Friedmans
Born Into Brothels
Titicut Follies
Buena Vista Social Club
Fahrenheit 9/11
Winged Migration

Leaves a bit to be desired, eh ?

No 7-Up ? Shoah ? Nanook of the North ? No NFB ? No Brittain ?

Seems to me there are way too many American films on that list.

THREE Michael Moore noms ? Best docs ever ?? Ummm.. no.

Why DO Americans do this to themselves ? This list is the documentary community equivalent of all those dimwit Americans who chant - "USA...USA...USA" - at the Olympics.

My friend also pointed out that Sicko (not on the list) has made almost 25 million at the US box office whereas last year's great Canadian hope "Manufactured Landscapes" has brought in only 206 thousand. One thing Americans CAN do better
than most is sell. The Cult of Michael proves that.

Don't feel too bad about Sicko making so much money, she said - Americans also spend 10 million a day on take out pizzas.